Questions I would like to ask commuters on an inner Western bus service

Commuter #14
(a shortish middle aged man who is always wearing a blue button down shirt and black pants)
Why are you wearing an eye patch that makes me think of pirates? Did you hurt your eye in an accident? Are you trying to strengthen the non-patched eye? Or do you have a penchant for doubloons and rum and wenches?

Commuter #27
(A tall, well built, nice looking man of probably 30)
Who were the flowers for? Did she like them? Are you going to propose soon (because I notice you aren't wearing a ring)? Does she live with you?

Commuter #19
(A shortish, ball on a stick figured woman in her late 40s)
Did you really think that anyone aside from a 3 year old could get away with white patent shoes? Your blue pashmina does not fool me - nor does it hide your sizable middle. Do you cry about your weight too? Or do you just buy silly shoes to take your mind away from it? (me too)

Commuter #32
(Early 20s woman with aggressively perfect figure and ultra fashionable clothing)
I've watched you push in every single time we catch this bus - have you always got your own way by assuming that we give kudos to you because you're attractive? Do you ever smile? Or are mortals beneath your sneering "I just stepped in dog shit" notice?

Commuter #4
(?28 year old, quite thin but wiry beautiful man with SE Asian heritage with the most amazing cheekbones and lips)
Do you have someone you go home to? You always give up your seat to the elderly or any women... do they ever thank you? What do you do in your free time? The way you move your hands makes me think you're a gamer - I wonder if we play the same games? It seems so weird that we get off at the same bus stop and not once said hello and yet we could have spent a whole evening together.