Friday, 9 May 2008

I have been banned

From associating with, talking to, touching, observing, looking at or otherwise interacting with newborns. 'Tis Verboten. In angry German accent.

I was examining newborns again this morning (healthy newborns) and oh my dear Lord. My breasts ache, my uterus aches, I had to stop throwing myself on the first male that walked past me and beg "impregnate me now". I spontaneously ovulated as soon as the little pink rosebud mouth rooted against my palm as I touched her cheek. I walked into the library straight after and they have a GD MIDWIFERY display of mothers and babies and breastfeeding and OH MY GOD I WANT ANOTHER BABY.

I called LH who is right this second probably performing his own vasectomy with a staple remover. Which is probably not a bad idea because if he was in the vicinity then I would be using every unfair below the belt trick in the book right about now and he would not stand a chance.

This is crazy insane. Rationally we've been discussing this on occasion and while we haven't decided *definitely* no, it's pretty much been leaning that way. I've said I don't really want any more, LH has definitely been keen to put the crappy nappy stage behind us and move into the "take them snowboarding and then they can stay at Grandma's house" stage.

I could never have been childless, I don't know what it is within me, but the pull to have children is just so strong. All of it right now is appealing. The gleeful "trying", that first anxious POAS moment, feeling the stretch of skin and muscle, lying in bed and looking at the little lump protruding up from my abdomen, that first real scan at 13 weeks, the first flutters soon after, the real belly, the "big" scan, seeing feet and elbows outlined by my skin, falling asleep to stacatto dance steps with a huge grin on my face, preparing for birth, the incredible power and wonder and achievement of birth, that first miraculous fall in love meeting, that first breastfeed, the discovery of little arms and legs and the way that those tiny fingers wrap around your finger and melt you into a gooey puddle on the floor, night feeds by starlight, sitting in the park as they roll over, sitting up, crawling, cruising, toddling, walking, running, jumping into your arms, "nigh nigh Mummy", "I love you", strange large headed drawings with ears and no noses or mouths, bedtime cuddles, chasing fairies, blowing bubbles, birthday cake candles, santa photos, calling schools, buying school uniforms...

OK have to stop now because I'm crying but I want more babies. I don't know if we'll have them but I want them so much.

5 comments:

hissychick said...

After reading this most eloquent of posts not only do I want you to have more babies I think I want to have those babies with you :)

And despite what our menfolk say, it is a need and not a want.

I know for certain that I want #3. My head says to wait until my eledest is at school and use the intervening time to work my charms on mr hissychick. My heart wants to liberate our five embies on ice now now now.....

Kisses said...

shoosh!!

Donna said...

The scary thing is, for me, I don't think that yearing is ever going to go away.

Melissa said...

Well crap. Thanks for that Jenn. Crying right along side of you. Wishing like hell (as I've done many times over the past 6 months) that I'd told them to just tie a loose knot. :(

Simone said...

So glad I had two at once and still have not stopped long enough to feel this in its full strength.

Jenn I think you are supposed to have another one- you are too wonderful a Mum to limit your love to just two~

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