Hope

Overhead the sky is steely grey, where you can see it amongst the heavy drops of rain that are pounding the Earth. It's been pouring for 4 days now, torrents of heavy raindrops pummeling and cleansing, waves upon waves in a gusty sweet smelling deluge.

It's dismal and dreary and cold, and yet my soul is on fire. As though the core of me was parched and dessicated, waiting to be watered, to break through stony ground and blossom into perfumed cheerfulness.

I tripped lightly into the hospital this morning in my favourite red silk high heels with messy rain-curled hair escaping from the mass of bobbypins I'd used in vain to tether it, with a song in my heart. I dashed through the windy downpour at noon and huddled with LH under an umbrella as we found a little pavement cafe to have lunch and the chorus swelled in my chest.

When I ran back to my car, becoming saturated in the cold winter rain, my skirt sticking to my legs, my thin jumper moulding to my body as water clung to my eyelashes and lower lip it was all I could do not to jump in the puddles ankle deep along the path. I finally managed to get in the car and stripping off as much clothing as was (decently) possible turned up the heating and beamed at the sensation of cool water caressing then felt it dry as the heat of my skin turned it all to vapour, fogging the windscreen. And the music played on.

When I got home I revelled in needing to go back out in the rain to open the garage door, lingered just that little bit too long feeling the coolness contrast against the heat of my bare skin, until the lusty wind stroked me into a shivering mess. Then I ran upstairs, peeled off all that was left to be peeled and dived under the feather doona, and lay back listening to the rain on the tin roof.

Hope and Optimism have returned to me glittering and fiery in the heavy thud of my heartbeat. When I was 17 I bought 4 rings that I wore every day, symbolising Hope, Optimism, Inspiration and Wisdom. I lost Inspiration and Wisdom, but hold them each night in my arms, and Hope now adorns my right hand. I just need to find Optimism again and I'll wear her as well with the same fierce determination I wore them at 17.