I haven't posted much lately, have been busy, and we've had a few waves of flu-y colds and coughs and general nasties around here. But everyone's on the mend now (just a few nasty residual coughs that won't go off and die) so I've had a few post ideas kicking around in my head.
The post I was planning on writing tonight was about finishing our family. About how excited I was by our two beautiful children and moving onto the next phase with them (all the snow in the Southern highlands has had DH and I planning a snow trip for us all in 3 years time and being all giggly and excited). Have just been feeling so happy and so secure about putting the baby days behind us and just loving every moment of all of us growing up.
I even had a working title of "Goodbye Harry" which is the name we were going to give our son. But I thought that was slightly hysterical because I actually was not feeling that sad about it. I was damned excited actually.
But on Wednesday my best friend of nearly 10 years had her first baby. A little tiny squalling girl with a thatch of thick soft red hair and a teensy screwed up face and tiny little delicate nails and a smell so sweet and so incredible that my whole body even now is aching with the thought of it. When we arrived at the hospital and I smelt that maternity hospital smell I knew I was flailing, but seeing her - even though she was screaming when we arrived, and getting to hold that tiny weightless bundle... no words.
LH glanced over at me while I was holding the tiny little doll and he laughed and immediately said "No! No no no no no NO!" In fact I have it so bad he's thinking of calling a priest for an exorcism. It's just bizarre... At 3pm this afternoon I was looking forward to seeing my friend and also to meeting Ginger but was not feeling remotely clucky. But seeing her squall - I could feel the hormones flood my body. Radiating from my core and tingling so much that I half wanted to drag LH home and get impregnated right that second. It was a craving that was just unbelievable. And I had my own smiling, happy bright eyed cherub on my knee at the same time.
In non empty-uterus/hormone related news, I have been completely taken aback this week on how big my girls are getting. The Elfling is just amazing. So tall, so slim, so stunning. Today she was dancing around in a brilliant white ambroidered peasant blouse that Mum and Dad brought her back from Greece with her wild curls bouncing and her cheeks flushed and stained against its usual pearl while she monkeyed around with a red gerbera were just stunning. My artist eye could not look away from her. She just has the most amazing colouring, and as her hair gets longer and curled in golden ringlets with her sea coloured eyes and red lips and pearl skin... she's a lucky little girl. I look at her and cannot believe that I ever made anything so beautiful. She's also cute and funny and clever.
When we came home from the hospital from visiting Ginger and her Mum, I asked the Elfling if she'd like another sister and she said "yes please", LH laughed and asked if she'd like a brother (poor man feels outnumbered) and she immediately said in the drollest voice "that's NOT going to happen", exactly the same way we answer her when she asks to do something like eat a packet of jelly snakes for dinner. LH and I cacked ourselves laughing with DD having no clue why we were snorting away.
She then spent the evening looking after her Elephant, changing his nappy (he wears HoneyBoy™ ) dressing him, feeding him, and then carrying him on her shoulder patting him on his back and making soothing platitudes (he was tired apparently). It was just gorgeous to watch. It's funny because she has a doll (singular) but has shown almost no interest in her or looking after her. But the Elephant and various other animals in her menagerie are her babies. At one stage I said she was a very cute little Mummy and she turned around and said "I am not a Mummy I am a Daddy". When I told her only boys could be Daddies she was quite put out.
Another Elflingism is that she has started to call the Monkey by her middle name. I am torn between deciding it is very cute and encouraging it and being mildly irritated. I love the MOnkey's middle name, but it is MILs name and it is NOT the Monkey's name lol. In the end though I love fostering hte special relationship that the two of them have so am leaving her be. It is very cute to see them together. My heart just melts becasue even though she's occasionally rough and has the unfortunate habit of occasionally rushing over to give her a massive hug around her head, she adores her baby sister (and the feeling is mutual).
I just look at my baby girls and I'm so torn. They are so beautiful, and so clever, and so perfect in every way, not least in their relationship with each other. All of those things make me want to have more children and NOT spoil it in equal measure. With just the two of them there are so many things we can do for them and not just related to money. So much time and love and attention. Plus everything is just so good at the moment. I am so happy, LH is happy, the Monkey is sleeping and the Elfling adores her Dad (and me when he's not flavour of the second). It's so hard to imagine spoiling the perfect harmony. Of throwing out the balance. I don't really put much faith in the whole starsigns thing, but from and Elemental perspective between us all we have the Earth, Air, Fire and Water signs. Balanced, perfect. But there is the 5th element, and I wonder if to complete the pentacle we need another. But then again, the 5th element is love and we have that over here in spades.