Out of the closet

If you write a blog about restaurants, then I guess there might be a bit of hesitation for giving out the address if, say, you're talking to someone who runs a little tapas bar that you've recently given a scathing review... but I would imagine that you could side step that little awkwardness quite smartly.

If you write a family update blog with lovely pictures of birthdays and smiling children and the occasional sweet "that's life!" anecdote then I guess similarly, sharing your blog must be a lovely thing as you get to share your babies and your rosy domesticity with those that you love.

If you write a blog like this - an unsteady heaving ship held together with duct tape, fly paper, chewing gum and the occasional twisty tie that meanders from the insanely dull to simply insane, with lots of gratuity, selfish whinging, vulnerability and incredibly long ramblings, well, that's another matter entirely. I don't usually advertise the fact that I write this. Along with the painting, drawing, singing and fishing, they're bits I like to keep to myself. Now a blog is kind of the antithesis of being private and circumspect, and if you have no privacy settings/passwords/invite only structure like me, then it's all out there anyway.

But still, I find it really weird giving people the link. Especially if it's a person whose opinion I respect, because, well, let's face it, this isn't really the place for me to win friends and influence people! I don't edit what I write here (when I really should!), and often I read back and cringe at the random poorly constructed posts that are far too long and pointless. I feel like I need to annotate each one with a "but I'm quite normal really, I was just having a brain spew!".

It's a conundrum I've read on other blogs - the issue of who you're writing for. I get about 50 hits a day here, although quite a few of them are obviously double ups, which is not too large a number, so mostly I figure I write for me. With some respect given to those that I know read. I have no cohesive theme on this blog, nothing to hold it together, just pieces of me. The insane, the sad, the happy, the clucky, the funny, the angry. But the sum of all that still doesn't make me. I worry that people read this and get the completely wrong idea.

And then there is the narcissistic side of me that worries because this blog isn't flattering. If I give out the link what happens if people realise how petty/unfunny/unclever/ridiculous/childish/immature/unattractive/rambling/incoherent/salacious/strange I really am. It kind of fucks with my together, cool, calm collected, studiously caring and intelligent persona that I'm very good at projecting.

And yet I still give out the link sometimes. I wonder why? Is it a sign of the trust I have for those that I'm giving it to? A test? Or is it merely Phil having a laugh...

I have no idea.