Tuesday, 10 February 2009

With picutres.

I am very hot. I know it sounds selfish to complain about that in light of what is happening to the North and South, but I am. Dripping onto the keyboard with sweat hot.

I had been marvelling most of this pregnancy just how little effort it takes to grow a human being. While TTC is obviously a rough journey for many, the actual pregnancy part is one that you don't actually get much say in. Doctors are crap at keeping you pregnant if your body really doesn't want to be and we don't understand reams of the minutiae of growing an infant. Mostly, it just happens.

Last week shook me up a lot because I have been so blase about it and how little effort has been required on my behalf. I've whinged a little bit about sore feet at the end of the day and breasts getting bigger and tenderer but in the main, pregnancy for me is something that happens without me even noticing.

It was very hard last week to think that Harry (from now on The Possum) could be lying in my belly but not growing any more, not moving any more, not kicking any more. This is a baby that kicks so hard that the keyboard is bouncing as I type, and who Bingley can feel kicking his hand without coercion - something that he never could do with the girls. The Possum is incredibly active and the juxtaposition of that with dead weight in my pelvis on Thursday was literally shocking. I panicked a lot *because* of the difference.

I've not admitted it on here, but I have been losing weight since Christmas, and am not entirely sure what to do about it. I'm not underweight so I am sure The Possum is getting fed and not starved, but it's something pregnant women "aren't supposed to do" which just makes me jumpy. It makes me feel like something is wrong, when in the main this pregnancy I've not had that anxiety that pervaded The Monkey's pregnancy. As I said, I've just been cruising, allowing pregnancy to do its thing on its own with very little effort from me.

But I got Bingley to take some "belly photos" tonight, and while on one hand it's nice that obviously my abs aren't completely ruined by 2 previous pregnancies, there is something reassuring about having a basketball up your shirt. No one assumes I'm pregnant because at best I look as if I've eaten a few decent lunches and Christmas treats. I want the basketball. I want that reassurance and I don't have it. Even though The Possum has been seen multiple times in 4D, although he weighs around 600g at the moment and is 30ish cm long, even though I am watching him kick the keyboard and can SEE the impression his feet make on my belly, I am weirded out by how unpregnant I appear.



In the above picture I've marked my fundal height with the thick red arrow, the thin red arrow (where I originally drew in as my fundal height) is actually where I can feel kicks, but my uterus as yet isn't quite that high. As you can see, although I look pudgy, I certainly don't look pregnant. And I want to.

7 comments:

Mothership said...

He most definitely is hiding, Jenn. Mine did too, though. It drove me nuts. I adore looking pregnant and it always happens right at the last minute.

Glad he's doing well. :)

Donna said...

You do look pregnant, that typical belly swelling when the rest of you is thin is what gives it away but you definitely don't look nearly as far along as you actually are.

I carried this exact same way with my second boy, higher rather than out. It's great that you can fit into your clothes for longer but that carrying high and not out thing squashes your lungs and takes your breath away!

Can we have weekly pics? Pretty please? With a pregnancy craving satisfying cherry on top? :P

Jen said...

I was the same and barely showed at all. I had the Mums and teachers at Kinder tell me that they thought that I had about 10 weeks to go...after I walked in with my baby that had been born at 39weeks. They had only realised a few weeks before that I was actually pregnant.

I am envious of woman that look 'pregnant' for most of their pregnancies..it isn't until the last few weeks that I did :)

Simone said...

Jen even with twins I lost weight right up to nearly 20 weeks.

OK yes I looked pg ( but heck there were two) but I lost weight

Look at it from the practical side - you know the Possum is fine. Now look at it from the "half full" glass. Bonus- weight loss without giving up the chocolate cake- good baby!

Kim said...

You look deliciously pregnant Dr Jenn - just not ginormously pregnant!

Don't listen to the hype that you should look a certain size. I was worried to the core as my Dr kept telling me I was "measuring behind" and the baby was going to be small. It turns out he was a little smallish (7lb) but still healthy.

As long as the possum is ok - don't sweat things like fundal height.

Iknow, I know it's easier said than done...

xxx Kim

hissychick said...

Jenn you look beautifully pregnant!

I had lots of the small comments when I was pg with E, so I ate for Australia towards the end.

Turns out she was a small bub...and now I still look pregnant with a food baby 20 months later!

Cyliebug said...

Nothing wrong with that lovely pregnant belly. Hope he has been behaving himself this week and you have managed to take the lift at least once.

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