Tuesday, 19 January 2010


I'm so tired. So very very tired.

My brain isn't working right. At work I'm just not like I used to be. I feel like I need to apologise continually. At home I am fucking up.

I got one break today, 25 minutes at 3pm after leaving home at 7am. I didn't have time to express and my breasts were full and hurt. I cam home and Bingley was feeding The Possum a bottle because it was past his bedtime. And I climbed into the shower and sobbed. And sobbed.

I had 15 minutes to find out how my baby girl's first day of kindergarten went. I had less time to ask the Elfling how her day was. I read them books and tucked them up in bed and climbed into Bingley's lap and sobbed some more. And then he headed off for a meeting and now I'm curled up on the couch crying some more.

I keep telling myself that this is all worth it, that I love what I do. But I'm not loving it. I don't like this rotation. I drag my feet going. I make stupid errors. I am not as quick and clever as I used to be. I"m behaving erratically and I am scaring myself.

I just feel like I'm fucking up on every single front there is to fuck up on.


Jen said...

is there a few days off in sight Jen for you to catch up at home and be with the kids? (and get some sleep?) I am sorry it is all so hard and shitty right now :(

Donna said...

You're not fucking up at all, Jenn. You're just tired and worn out and you're doing the best you can. Your best is plenty enough and they will all be ok.

I really hope you can get a break soon.


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