I'm so tired. So very very tired.
My brain isn't working right. At work I'm just not like I used to be. I feel like I need to apologise continually. At home I am fucking up.
I got one break today, 25 minutes at 3pm after leaving home at 7am. I didn't have time to express and my breasts were full and hurt. I cam home and Bingley was feeding The Possum a bottle because it was past his bedtime. And I climbed into the shower and sobbed. And sobbed.
I had 15 minutes to find out how my baby girl's first day of kindergarten went. I had less time to ask the Elfling how her day was. I read them books and tucked them up in bed and climbed into Bingley's lap and sobbed some more. And then he headed off for a meeting and now I'm curled up on the couch crying some more.
I keep telling myself that this is all worth it, that I love what I do. But I'm not loving it. I don't like this rotation. I drag my feet going. I make stupid errors. I am not as quick and clever as I used to be. I"m behaving erratically and I am scaring myself.
I just feel like I'm fucking up on every single front there is to fuck up on.