The moon hurt my eyes when I walked home tonight. The perfect orb luminescent and beautiful but so bright that as my migraine pounded I could do nothing besides look at the dimly lit ground at my feet and trudge home. It summed up my day, beauty that I couldn't appreciate through the fog of crappiness that oozed around me.
It started in darkness and finished the same. Mist and fog, rain at one point, all barely noticed against the blur of tasks that needed to be done yesterday, disgruntled nurses that wanted to berate without actually listening and families that wanted too much of me today. I actively avoided one lovely family today because I just couldn't do it. Couldn't do a deep and involved chat without breaking down in tears with fatigue.
I felt the warning signs of the headache to come as I looked at my watch to notice briefly that without registering I'd already done an hour's overtime. The spaciness and the squiggles at the edge of my vision before the swamping nausea.
I wanted desperately to be home then, to a quiet empty house with no responsibility or conversations. To come home to quiet and warm welcoming arms. To ignore dinner time and crawl into cool sheets and put my already softened skin against the pillow and sleep for 12 dreamless hours.
But instead I listened as the Elfling read her home reader before finishing another chapter of the Fairy Realm. Smiled as the Monkey read to herself aloud and winced as the Possum screamed for me. Sat cross legged in the rocking chair as he slumped into my chest and we rocked and rocked and rocked until the tiny whistle of his snoring allowed me to start the ninja manoeuvres required to transfer him into his bed.
I love them dearly, but sometimes I wonder wtf I was thinking.