Monday, 27 September 2010

I am ridiculous.

Ever feel like you're having a totally pointless conversation? One of those ones where you think you're expressing yourself clearly, but it's patently clear that with every response, the person you're talking to is misinterpreting everything you're saying? The rotation I've just started is rife with this. Circular conversations that make you want to bash your head against the wall at times. Even though I know it's not deliberate (in most cases) it is still something that makes my stomach churn with irritation. I hate repeating myself, I hate feeling like I'm repeating myself, and I absolutely loathe it when I keep on doing it and being misinterpreted in the process.

In fact, this afternoon one particular conversation bugged me so much I composed witty, cutting replies the whole bus trip home, and enjoyed myself stamping my feet in a temper as I stalked home, the warm evening air and my ire raising a film of sweat over my bare arms. I was so comically pissed off, that with one final hill to get home I started giggling, the ridiculousness of it all tickling me hugely.

I've lost my sense of humour a bit lately, and the inability to find the funny side of things has been pricking uncomfortably at my sides. Usually I can find that dark bit of comedy in everything, especially when it comes to things that are getting me down. But lately I've been enjoying being wrapped up in selfish sadness too much to bother thinking about the ludicrousness of wandering around limply and wringing my hands.

Life's truly too short to be miserable, and there's no point to me to continue with it when I know that I can laugh instead. It might be slightly hollow laughter at times, but it's still better than misery.

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