Wednesday, 30 March 2011

If a 29 year old woman believes in fairy tales, does that make her whimsical or a fool? I used to cling to the idea of beauty, of life making some beautiful, prismatic sense. But like others who use alcohol, or cigarettes, or working themselves into an early grave, I hid in fairy land. Pretending at a world that did not hurt. That meant something extraordinary. Some "vie moins ordinaire". I felt things and saw things there - a Gleam that believe it or not I thought existed. Believed that the wind spoke to me and that I could see things that others couldn't. The sorts of things that could get me admitted to a psychiatric facility really, when I read back on some of them.

I don't have many readers any more, probably scared off by the utter nonsense. I wonder at how many rolled their eyes at the innocent naivete which just isn't cute in an overweight limp haired 29 year old, but instead satisfies some lurid internet cliche.

I have rebelled at the idea of growing up, but clearly at some point, I have to. It may as well be now. I'm not sure I believe in dreams. There is no Gleam.

10 comments:

Blythe said...

Jenn, I still read, I just don't get uch time to comment. I adore your writing.

kalita said...

Don't grow up, it doesn't look fun at all.

Patricia said...

Please keep writing - I just started following. I found your Gleam very much by accident and there is magic here.

bobby (dRX) said...

This is either the most honest or dishonest post I've ever read.

I don't believe it for a moment.

The Gleam is there - I've seen it.

Kirsten said...

I love your writing, but sometimes more often than not just selfishly read and forget to comment.

I'm enchanted with the "nonsense!", not scared xx

hissychick said...

Jenn I think I get what you are saying.

It doesn't matter if it is real or not but it is up to you to decide if you want to follow the Gleam. If that even makes sense.

You know I'm around, I too have been barely keeping up with reading let alone commenting on blogs of late. Yours is my guilty pleasure and selfishly I want you to keep going just so I can be mesmerised by your writing.

Pundelina said...

There is so a gleam. And believing in it makes you neither whimsical or a fool, it makes you human.

x

Averil said...

Agreed Pundelina.

Leave the cold cynicism to others Jenn, you are too passionate, too remarkable, and too gifted a woman & writer to believe in & write about anything LESS than what you are.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nina said...

Jenn... I love your writing, it touches something inside of me, I would be devastated if you really believed there was no Gleam.

Please don't stop searching, seeing and feeling... it's there...

Jen said...

I love your writing also and come to read often just forget to comment.

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