Saturday, 11 June 2011


I dreamed last night, like I have not dreamed in a long time. It was a night filled with dreams, one after another, like a movie marathon projected against my eyelids. Misty dreams and clear dreams. The last taking my breath so that I woke gasping for air and struggled to pull the thin cool greyness into my chest.

It was warmer this time last year. I remember a wide purple sky and rippled water one day in the sun as I drew in the sand and considered stripping off my clothes to play in the gentle waves being as I had no bathers. It was one of those days that tattoos itself in white ink on your skin and never fades, just suprising you sometimes when you catch it glittering beneath the dermis. I was there with a little girl with big blue eyes who drew pictures in the sand with me, chased tiny fish with her toes and trusted me in that implicit innocent way that makes you want to wrap them in your arms and shield them from all the horrible things in life.

I remember finding a banksia core and showing her how when you strip away the crumbly, crunchy exterior that inside is smooth brown velvet, and watching her slide her fingers over it too. Such a silly thing to teach, but strangely glad that I got to teach something. I don't know if she remembers me; my guess is probably not. I do not remember all of the adults that briefly swept in and taught me something. I don't remember friends of my parents who probably hugged me and gave me Christmas gifts, what they smelled like, if they ever sang me to sleep. But it's nice to think that they were there, these nameless, faceless adults that only ever meant well. That life is not all about hiding from potential offenders.

This little girl was in my dream last night, holding a dark haired baby and grinning like only stupendously proud little girls can. I don't remember much about the baby, and its' strange, because you'd think that's who I would have been focusing on, being as I have seen that baby in my dreams a few times now.

I wonder if the dream was prophetic, and if the little girl will one day soon have a baby brother or sister. To follow her and tackle her around the knees like my Possum does with the Elfling. A blue eyed sibling to share her memories of childhood and to sit on the beach one day and draw pictures in the sand. I hope that she might, because she's the type of little girl that you know is an excellent big sister. But I guess I will never know.

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