Bad Blogger

That would be me. I've just not been in a writing mood lately, partly I think because I've been wasting so much energy elsewhere. Between work and play I've barely had time to breathe, let alone blah here.

I'm kind of doing really well and not very well at all at the moment. I'm having one of those bizarre times when verything is perfect in my life and I'm not happy. I dn't understand it at all, and I really loathe myself when I'm here. How is it that things can be going so well with work and relationship (lots of respect at work and it's a fantastic learning experience - also love husband to bits), and yet I'm having an attack of the Phil.

Phil as I have described before is a weird part of my personality that just wants to be selfish and hedonistic. She wants to drink and party and get tattoos and have wild passionate relationships with strangers. She's a fire inside me that never goes out, but spends mst of her time smouldering away. And I can deal with her most of the time by directing that passion and spontaneity and verve into socially acceptable pursuits. But this rebellious part of me just wants to throw it all away. I am SO responsible and socially aware and respectful and careful with relationships. Sometimes I just want to take the idea that people have of me, this safe, staid, comfortable non threatening Jenn and stomp the hell over her. Maybe then people would actually be more interested in the real Jenn. The one behind the cool calm collected walls.