Diary of an exam day... Part One

Part One

Wake up at some ridiculous hour when dawn is merely a purple smudge on the horizon with your heart pounding in your throat as you desperately run through lists. "Puerperal pyrexia, indications for empirical treatment, Oh God what is the dose of erythromycin and when do you use 3rd gen cephs instead of your bog standard Keflin? Should I mentino erythema multiforme if not prompted? Frig frig frig". Jump out of bed when heart rate reaches unsustainable levels and continue insane muttering under breath while getting undressed. Get in shower, 5 minutes later after repeating algorithms for imminent eclampsia remember to turn shower on and flinch at the cold water before remembering to turn on the hot...

Lather hair in time with chanting syntocinon indications for induction and augmentation of labour. List reasons for trace decelerations on CTG monitor as rinse hair out. Condition hair while thinking of 3rd stage of labour checklist and chant some more about remembering to apply suprapubic pressure as you apply traction to the cord while exfoliating face. Rinse hair and promptly vomit in shower from sympathetic overdrive. Brush teeth, remember to consider dental implications in pregnancy and drugs and doses for vomiting in pregnancy. Turn off shower.

Wrap up in towel and shiver for a while, waiting for brain to catch up. Think about rhesus iso-immunisation as you dig through the clean laundry pile for underwear looking for specific confidence and asset boosting items. Iron shirt while trying to remember at which stages Anti-D shots need to be administered. Pull on favourite fishnet stockings while considering whether compression stockings are a good idea in the puerperal period. Put on knee length pencil skirt and write note on wrist to take in pencil and paper.

Vomit again. Refuse breakfast from Lovely Husband. Play with children while thinking of intubation of the neonate and trying desperately to remember ET tube sizes for gestation. Fail, hyperventilate some more.

Look at shoes on shoe rack - confidence boosting awesome looking favourite stilettos or flat sensible shoes? Decide sensibly on flat shoes and kick self all the way to bus stop that didn't choose favourite shoes. Then remember that can't remember all the tests for HELLP and forget all about shoes. Notice too much attention is beign given at busstop, realise that a) muttering like cray lady and b) that laptop bag against thigh has caused knee length skirt to ride up to above mid thigh and am showing far too much fishnet covered leg. Blush furiously while tugging down skirt and try and remember protocols for abortion/miscarriage.

Stop at 7-11 on way to connecting bus and buy large energy drink. Sugar and caffeine hit empty stomach already swirling in acid from sympathetic overdrive and get absolute rush of brain activity. Use it to advantage as considering antenatal emergencies. List indications for caesarian section in time with footsteps. Get to connecting bus stop and remember to breathe. Catch connecting bus and allow self to be distracted for a while by random shop fronts in the Valley consisting of sex shops/strip joints and Vietnamese grocers. Suddenly feel hungry for yum cha. Stomach gurgles threateningly in response. Lose desire for yum cha.

Get to library for last minute swotting, start effectively for about 45 minutes before need break. Peruse such intellectual websites as I Can Has Cheezburger and GFY. Write in blog. Calm down a little. Then notice time, hyperventilate some more and go back to researching betamethasone doses and tocolysis.

Obsessively look at watch and laptop clock. Compile list of possible scenarios for upcoming practical exam and worry that voice is going to completely fail me.

Finally get to time when required to present to examination room... pack up strewn library gear, buy second large caffeinated beverage for the day and trudge toward impending doom while smiling politely at little old ladies and sick children and wishing I really really had worn my stilettos. Pull skirt back down to appropriate length and just breathe.