Questions I would like to ask commuters on an early morning inner Western bus service

Bus Driver
(picture Jackie Chan if he decided to drive buses for 10 years sitting up with his seat jacked up very high so that he could see over the steering wheel effectively)
Was that song that you were singing this morning karaoke or one of your own compositions? The chorus which you were singing with absolute passion "I loooove youuuu I honestly loooooOOOoooove you" was very entertaining. I hope you drive this route more often! I wonder if you've serenaded someone in particular with your crooning - she's a lucky girl whoever she is.

Commuter #7
(~22, average height, well proportioned, very pretty, flawless make up and perfect shoulder length blonde hair)
How do you get your hair so shiny and perfect? I am in genuine awe of the fact that every morning when we catch this bus your hair is perfect. Is it one of those things that you inherit or is skill with a hairdryer something you learn? I haven't really got the patience to do it, but I have hair envy.

Commuter #24
(elderly man with oxford tie, double breasted suit jacket and carefully combed thinning hair)
I wonder if you have gout? Your half cut off leisure shoe on your right foot obviously indicates that you have something wrong with your toes, and the only thing I can think of is gout. Gangrene isn't usually painful... plus you don't look like a diabetic. You have that slight ruddiness of a drinker though. I wonder if you've been following through on your low purine diet (assuming it is gout - why do I want to know these things?)

Commuter #16
(woman in her mid 30s, average height, average build, wearing active/jogging clothes, slightly sweaty as if she's just come from teh gym)
Why on earth would you wear a white singlet without a bra if you have been exercising? Poor commuter #24 had no idea where to look with your singlet competely translucent with sweat and your nipples out for general consumption. Even if you're of the misguided but admirable belief that the female body is beautiful and therefore shouldn't be covered - how can you possibly run with them jiggling around like thta? Isn't it painful? And while yes, I acknowledge that they're rather perky considering your age... keep going the way you're going and you'll be perfect for a National Geographic photoshoot.

Commuter #12
(late teens, early 20s girl with a halo of ebony ringlets wearing all black over her slim but imperfect by Cosmo standards frame)
I wonder what book you were reading? You didn't make eye contact with other people at the bus shelter and just huddled in your corner. Why were you feeling so chilled? Are you shy? Or are you always walled in so that you can't ever be blinded by driveby shootings? Who put those walls there for you? Do you relax when you're at home?

Commuter #7
(5'7" Latin Lover in his mid 30s)
Does your chest hair ever get caught in your lovely gold necklace? I occasionally catch the wispy bits of hair that tickle my neck in the clasp of my necklace and it brings tears to my eyes. I wonder if chest hair is the same? Whether you get a nicely plucked smooth portion if you're not careful. Your very product enhanced slightly too long black curls had me stifling a giggle as well. If only you'd been wearing an Armani suit instead of Sydney FC supporters clothes you could have been the hero from the latest Mills and Boon that I read.