Conversations with the Elfling

Conversation One
In the car coming home from kindy, Triple J as usual playing in the background when Dools and Linda start talking about the Hack topic for the evening...
E: Mum what's a fetish?
J: *clicks Triple J to mute and vows to actually screen more effectively*

Conversation Two
Cutting up leeks for dinner
E: Mummmy?
J: Yes bub?
E: When you die, you go in the fire or you go in the ground don't you?
J: Who told you that bub?
E: I was talking to my friends at kindy *insert teenager shrug*
J: ok
E: Some people were in a house and there was a fire in the house and the people died
J: Oh, that's very sad, we have to be be uh very careful with fires
E: Nana's Mummy died, she was in a fire wasn't she Mum
J: No sweetie, Nana's Mummy and Daddy were very old and sick and they died
E: but Nana's Daddy is Big Grandad and he's not died he's in the hospital, I know, I saw him...
J: *oh shit*
E: ...
J: ...
E: Nana is very sad that her Mummy and Daddy got old
J: Yes bub *frantically searching for a way out of conversation which is completely out of my depth*
E: Are we having 'sotto for dinner?
J: Yes *sigh of relief*
E: 'Sotto has cheese doesn't it
J: Yes bub
E: Can I have some cheese please? *big cheesy grin*
J: *thanks be to cheese*


Conversation Three
Sitting at table waiting for Grot to finish her risotto
E: Mum?
J: Yes bub?
E: I have very long legs don't I Mummy?
J: Yes bub
E: They go all the way up to my bottom
J: *giggles* yes
E: Some people call their bottoms girly bits
J: *chokes a little*
E: But they're really vulvas aren't they Mummy?
J: *snort* yes *dissolves into coughing fit*
E: Boys don't have vulvas, they have pees
J: *coughing and laughing some more*
E: Mummy and Elfling and Monkey all hve vulvas but Daddy has a peeee.... peeenis
J: *still laughing* that's right
E: I don't have a penis *sad face*

Conversation Four
Climbing into the big bed to read the evening's stories - a little Golden Book and a Dr Seuss book
J: chop chop, hurry up or only one book
E: *frantically searching for second book* alright you get into bed Mummy and I will get the books
J: *laughing* ok bossy boots
E: I am NOT a bossyboobs I don't have any boobs... YOU are a bossyboobs Mummy