Still here

Just in case you were wondering. Still sporting my ultra fashionable unremovable belly accessory, although now I'm completing the look with unbrushed hair, no shoes, pyjamas and a decided fuck you attitude.

I am very big and quite over it, but not over it enough to actually want to give birth yet. Because giving birth will mean having another baby in the house and right now I am just not ready for that. I can handle being breathless and not being able to run and not being able to sit on the couch, but another child - still in denial about that one.

I was reading the EB pregnancy forums again the other day, and all these women were discussing (at 34 weeks) what they would put in their hospital bags. And I sat there and thought "ooer, really ought to have one of those". And then I went and had a lie down and read a Mills and Boon story about some Frenchman. Tres unsatisfying.

A little while after that I allowed myself to revisit the idea of the "baby bag" and what is supposed to go in it. Initially I drew a complete blank, the type of blank that is also accompanied with a completely flat expressionless face except for a bit of a crease between the eyebrows. "Babies?" I could hear myself saying, "Now what do they need again??". And I had to actually READ those EB lists because I had nfi. I've done this twice before so you'd think it would be easy, but amazingly I've never done it well.

For the Elfling we packed a bag while I was in labour (she came 2 weeks early). Because I was in labour we packed a very large bag full of many things and used... none. Things that were left out of the bag included things like
- maternity bras
- shoes/socks
- clothes for the baby
- breast pads
- underwear for me
So um, yes.

For the Monkey I was veyr organised. I packed 2 bags at 36 weeks and had them next to the door *ready to go*. There was a bag for me and a bag for her. And I woefully over catered. Especially as I was only in for 36 hours. I think I was compensating for the last effort.

So this time I want to do the bag right. Once I work out what's supposed to go in the damned thing.

Other than "the bag" were things like clothing and sleeping arrangements. Because not only has this little blighter decided it's going to be born soon, but it will apparently want somewhere to sleep! What cheek! About a month or so ago I bought a very hippy organic calico and wool baby hammock because it was everything I wanted in a baby bed - cosy, bounceable, swayable, warm and able to be very close to my bed without taking up half the room. And so, with one of my very own pay cheques I bought it.

It arrived promptly 3 days later. Excited by "presents" arriving in the mail as I always am, I immediately unpacked the box, looked at all the parts, approved of all... and then put it to the side. And forgot about it. Because there was HEAPS of time. The *having* of a suitable bed was apparently enough for the last few weeks, and the idea that it might need to be assembled at some point was something I'd put off. Until this weekend when coupled with the above that I had a rush of panic that everything taht we had for the Possum was able to fit into the single pumpkin patch bag hanging off my sewing chair.

So yesterday Bingley and I installed the hammock, and you know what hit me? Even though it still doesn't seem real, in a matter of days, we will be putting OUR baby in that hammock. There will no longer every again be the 4 of us. It will always be the 5 of us. That fifth element, another air to add to the title.

We are still waiting for the new carseat for the Elfling (hers won't fit with 3 carseats, something that I'd also not really done much about until last week) and also for the realisation to hit that there will be 3 little people in our house.

We have bought next to nothing and I can't think of what we need. I have a sling, and a pram with flat tyres. We have 5 carseats once the Elfling's new one arrives. We have a cot in pieces in the garage and 2 cot mattresses. We have a new hammock swaying in the breeze next to my bed. I have a 5 pack of Target singlets still in the packet in 000 and 4 very small outfits in "boy" colours. And that's pretty much it aside from the mega box of Huggies that DH bought 2 weeks ago.

I am still drawing a blank, he doesn't need food (that's what the ever expanding bustline is for), I'm not sure when/where/if we will bathe him (should probably think about that at some point) and what you use. He will sleep in the hammock but will need to be wrapped - I think I still have some wraps - will have to check that. He has something to cover his butt for at least a few days/weeks and a few clothes there. But maybe we need wondersuits or something?

Can you tell I'm clueless? Every bit of my mental energy has been dealing with being pregnant, of dealing with that and work, and somehow, the baby at the end of it has been mostly missing. Even when he's kicking me so hard that the keyboard is bouncing out of my hands.